It’s Saturday, which means before you head out and enjoy a nice early May afternoon, it’s time to get caught up on all of the news you may have missed from this week with a little help from The Punch-Up!

And what a week it was…

We’ve got Tom Hanks dishing out some marriage advice, Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel and Dianna Russini dishing out whatever is the opposite of marriage advice, and the word on everyone’s mind — whether they like it or not — is ballmaxxing.

Yes. It is what you think it is.

Tom Hanks’s marriage advice and the ballmaxxing trend taking the internet by storm headline this edition of The Punch-Up. (Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Disney)

There’s plenty more where that came from (but if you’re hung up on ballmaxxing, I get it), so let’s dig right in…

Actress Hayden Panettiere revealed that she is bisexual. This revelation was met with one common response: “Wait, is she the girl from that thing?”

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Patriots coach Mike Vrabel and Dianna Russini allegedly rented a boat together while she was pregnant. No one knew about it until now because maritime law regarding the motion of the boat forbade anyone from “a-knocking” at the time.

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson revealed their biggest secret for their lengthy Hollywood marriage. That secret? Money.

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A new trend called “ballmaxxing” is seeing men using injections to obtain the biggest testicles possible. It’s unclear what the goal is, but it seems to be to impress women and to make it damn near impossible to ride a bicycle.

A French nudist resort is being overrun with swingers having sex on the beach. So, in other words, it’s a perfectly functioning standard-issue French nudist resort.

Victoria Beckam says that her kids manifest and keep crystals by their beds. Which means that we now have definitive proof that there’s one thing you can’t manifest: better parents.

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Got all of that?

Good. See you back here next week.